This time last year, I was in a very, very bad place. I was on month 6 of Postpartum depression (and still had 5 more months of it to go), wondering what in the world I was doing with my life, crying constantly, upset that I wasn't anywhere close to where I thought I'd be with my goals, doubting my ability to be a good mom, not getting any sleep since my second wasn't sleeping at all, regretting leaving my cushy corporate job because this SAHM thing was a lot harder than I thought it'd be, and fighting with my husband constantly because of course he's the reason for why I'm feeling everything, right? Overall just feeling like the worst person, worst mom, worst wife, worst friend, worst daughter, worst everything.
There was a very specific moment around this time last year when my kids were melting down and I'm crying because it felt like the world was crashing down (and legit, our house was falling apart at the time too-- there was a lot going on). I'm looking at my kids, wondering why they are so hysterical (as I'm hysterically crying too) and then it clicked: they are a reflection of everything going on inside of me. All this chaos rolling around inside of me constantly is reflected in how they're acting. Because kids can sense those things. And although I tried my hardest to put on a mask around them, they could feel what was going on inside.
This is not the life I wanted for them, or for me, or for my husband.
I realized I could continually blame how I felt on outside circumstances or I could change it. For example, I could easily say my kids are the reason I wasn't sleeping or that I didn't have time to reach my goals (which I had spent 3 years saying up to that point), OR I could use them as THE REASON for getting shit done. I could use them as THE REASON for why I would continue to have big dreams and prove to them that reaching your dreams IS POSSIBLE. I could realize that I have more damn control over how I feel and what's going on in my life than what I was seizing.
So that's what I did. I took back control.
It wasn't an overnight process, but every day, I made little baby steps. That's all I focused on. Small steps at a time. Small achievements. Three things a day that would aid my well-being. Three SMALL things today that would reach a big long-term goal.
Today I submitted my 5th book of 2019. I also signed another coaching client to my business. All while chasing two toddlers and keeping up with the other demands of life. I’ve never been so at peace or happy before in my life as a result.
My load remained exactly the same, but my mindset toward it all changed.
I’m on a mission to help other women get to this same place. Out of a place of constant sacrifice to one of balance and joy.